Yes, a lot of people do use their own saliva (AKA spit) as lubrication when they masturbate. It’s free, it’s there when you need it, and your body creates a nearly endless supply of it! However, saliva may not provide the best results when it comes minimizing friction, as it can dry up quickly and not feel as slippery as other forms of lubrication. If this is the case, someone could try a body-safe lubricant like KY Jelly or Astro Glide.

This question has a lot of layers to it, but we’ll try our best to answer as clearly as possible.

Legally, no. In the state of New York, the age of consent for sexual activity is 17. Anyone under the legal age of consent is legally unable to consent to any sexual relations.

However, technically speaking, yes, 12-year-olds can have sex, although very, very few actually are. According to data from the Guttmacher Institute, only about 2% of 12-year-olds have ever had sex.

This is because the decision to have sex, especially safer sex, is a big one that comes with a LOT of responsibilities, including things like talking to your partner about pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection (STI) protection, buying and using condoms correctly, and figuring out what you would do in the case of an unintended pregnancy. Most 12-year-olds are not ready to deal with any of that stuff. Maybe ask yourself, are you?

We’d also advise you take some time to think about why you are thinking about having sex as a 12-year-old. Is someone pressuring you? If this is the case, you should talk to a trusted adult. No one should ever pressure you into doing something that you are uncomfortable with, especially if that something is sexual.

Are you trying to connect more deeply with a partner? If this is the case, there are many, many, ways to be intimate with a partner that don’t involve sex and the risks associated with sex, like unintended pregnancy and STIs. Going on dates, holding hands, and even kissing are great ways to connect with a partner in a safe way.

Do you want to feel older or more mature than your peers? Remember that almost no 12-year-olds are having sex (even if some say they are). You have your whole life to figure out sexual relationships – now might be a better time to focus on your hopes, dreams, and goals for the future.

Are you looking for sexual release? That is completely normal, especially as you go through puberty. Maybe try to see if you can satisfy those feelings through masturbation rather than having sex.

We hope this helps!

What a good question! We’re sure you’ve heard of periods in your ELA classes, but the periods we talk about in health class are different.

Menstruation, or getting your period, is when blood and tissue from the uterus comes out of the vagina. This usually happens every month (about every 28 days) after a person with a vagina goes through puberty. The menstrual cycle is the body’s way to prepare for pregnancy, even if the person is not pregnant. When someone gets their period, they can use products such as pads, tampons, menstrual cups, or period underwear to catch or absorb the blood, so they don’t stain their clothes. You can learn more about periods here: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/menstruation 

Well, I can’t say for sure, but…

This is a great question, and one we get a lot. Thanks for trusting the TeensHELP team to get you the correct information – you can’t always trust every Google search result. The answer is… YES, some men can menstruate!

The key to answering this question is knowing and understanding the difference between sex, gender, and gender identity. It’s common for people to confuse these terms or uses them interchangeably, but they’re actually all different things.

Sex is a label — male or female — that someone is assigned by a doctor at birth based on the genitals they are born with. Gender is much more complex: It’s a social and legal status, and set of expectations from society, about behaviors, characteristics, and thoughts. This is also generally male or female. But instead of being about body parts, it’s more about how you’re expected to act, because of your sex. Gender identity is how you feel inside and how you express your gender through clothing, behavior, and personal appearance. It’s a feeling that begins very early in life.

Getting back to the question at hand, menstruating, also known as having a period, is not gender specific. Anybody who is assigned female at birth (AFAB) — meaning they have a uterus, ovaries, vagina, and vulva — can menstruate! This would include cisgender women (people who are AFAB and identify as women), some non-binary people (people who identify as or neither men nor women and have the necessary anatomy), and transgender men (people who are AFAB and identify as men). 

There are no rules for human bodies when it comes to puberty. Everyone’s puberty journey is unique and that includes the start of menstruation. That being said, the average age of menarche (someone’s first period) is 12 and a half years old. 90% of people who menstruate will start between the ages of 11 and 14. Most often a person’s period will start about 2 years after their breasts begin to develop. There are a number of reasons why someone might start their period later than their peers or have inconsistent or irregular cycles. Just remember that there is not a universal norm when it comes to puberty and menstruation – overtime you will figure out what is normal for you!

Burning or discomfort after sex is not uncommon, but we wouldn’t call it normal. The delicate tissue of the vulva and vagina can sometime burn from the friction cause by sex. Even if lubricant is used, it may not be enough to prevent this. This burning sensation may take a day or two before it stop as the tissue heals. Vaginal burning or pain while urinating may also be a sign of some medical issue, like a yeast infection, UTI, or sexually transmitting infection (STI). This would be a good time to talk to your doctor about staying sexually healthy. A quick exam can determine if there is anything to be concerned about moving forward. If the irritation continues or happens again, your doctor will be able to help you rule out an allergy to the latex in the condom, the lubricant, or maybe even your partner’s body wash. Either way, whatever you think caused it, there is no reason to ignore it. Work with your partner and your doctor to feel better and hopefully avoid discomfort in the future.

No, you cannot get pregnant from having anal sex. However, the opening of the vagina is very close to the anus and it may be possible for a partner to accidentally get semen in the vagina without meaning to. If this were to happen, pregnancy may be possible. To reduce the chance of this happening, your partner should wear a condom during anal sex. In addition to helping to prevent pregnancy, condoms greatly reduce the chances of contracting and spreading sexually transmitted infections.

No one deserves to feel scared or pressured to do something they don’t want to do, especially when it comes to sex. Expressing yourself in a sexual way is a deeply intimate act. When you and your partner have taken the time to talk about the responsibilities that come with having sex, as well as what having sex means for your relationship, things after feel less scary. If you are still scared or have more questions, it is always ok to wait. Take the time to talk to someone you know and trust. You owe it to yourself to make sure you and your partner are both really ready. Also, if your partner keeps pressuring you, it may be time to rethink your relationship. Respect is a key element of a healthy relationship.

It sounds like you’re starting to explore your sexual orientation! Sexual orientation is all about who you feel attracted to emotionally, romantically, physically, and sexually. Teens who are attracted to others of a different gender (for example, girls who are attracted to boys) often call themselves ‘straight’ or heterosexual. Teens who are attracted to the same gender (for example, girls who are attracted to other girls) may call themselves gay, lesbian, or homosexual. Teens who are attracted to both boys and girls may use the term ‘bi’ or bisexual to describe their sexual orientation. Teens who are attracted to individuals who identify with non-binary genders or all genders might use words like queer or pansexual, and those who are unsure of their sexual orientation might call themselves questioning.

There’s nothing wrong weird or gross about any of these sexual orientations; they are just different. Being one or another doesn’t make you any better or worse than anyone else. Sexual orientation can be dynamic and fluid. Who you are attracted to and in what ways can change and develop over time. Don’t feel too much pressure to find the “right” label right away. It’s ok to change the way you identify as you figure yourself out or as the way you feel changes. You don’t have to fit neatly into any one box. If the term gay (or bi, or queer, or questioning) feels right to you, go for it! If it doesn’t, try another label on for size. Just remember that a label does not define you- it merely describes a part of you. By all means, continue to explore your sexual orientation. Just don’t feel like you need to stress out about it.

Finding out that you’re pregnant can be very difficult, especially if you are a teen and the pregnancy was unplanned. You likely feel confused, scared, worried, and nervous. Those feelings (and many others) are completely normal. Try to stay calm and remember these two things: you do have options and you don’t have to handle this situation all on your own.

If you are pregnant, you have three options:

1. Parenthood – giving birth and raising the child.
2. Adoption – giving birth and then giving the child to someone else for them to raise.
3. Abortion – terminating or ending the pregnancy.

You have the right to choose the option that is best for you, even if your friends, parents, or partner, don’t agree. Just remember, there are many things to take into consideration before making a decision as big as this one. It’s important for you to take the time to learn about the pros and cons of each option, examine your personal values and beliefs, think about your hopes and dreams for the future, and assess your current financial situation before deciding.

It can be scary to start this conversation, but you may find it helpful to talk to your parents or a trusting adult regarding your thoughts and feelings about being pregnant and the options available to you. They may be able to help you remain calm and process everything that is going on in your head. There are also several local and national resources available to discuss all three options with you, including a confidential hotline. Some teens find it helpful to talk to a professional about their situation, someone who is caring, compassionate, and capable of remaining neutral.

Finding out that you’re pregnant can be very difficult. You might feel confused, scared, worried, or shocked by the news. Those feelings (and many others) are completely normal. Just remember, you don’t have to handle this all on your own. Your mom may turn out to be a valuable resource to help you make important decisions and support your choices, but you need to tell her first.

Start by imagining how your mom might respond to the news. Some parents may cry and yell, others may go silent, and others still may spring into action. While you will never know for sure until you tell her, lots of teens are surprised at how supportive their parents turn out to be. Second, pick a good time and place to talk to your mom. Having this conversation may not be easy, no matter when or where, but things should go smoother if both you and your mom are calm, free from distractions, and able to focus on the issue at hand. Next, figure out what to say in advance. Putting your feelings into words is not easy, so don’t worry if you cry or get emotional as you’re saying them. It may help to be as clear and direct as possible. You could say something like, “I have something difficult to tell you. I found out that I’m pregnant”, then wait for her reaction. Make sure to give your mom time to process what you are telling her and express her feelings without interrupting her, even if that means letting her vent.

Once the initial shock wears off, you may then be able to talk to your mom about all of your options and what support you need. Becoming a teen parent can seriously affect your hopes and dreams for the future, things that are really important to you. Is that something you are ready for? Whatever you decide, make sure it is something you can be proud of, both now and in the future.

Dating can be so confusing! There are no laws that regulate dating in New York State. You and your 15-year-old partner are going to be guided by the rules and expectations of your friends, parents, school, church, etc., and your own person boundaries. That said, most people would consider the age difference from 12 to 15 to be concerning and here’s why.

Sexual activity and a power imbalance are two big concerns people have about big age differences in teen couples. Younger partners in teen relationships are more likely to feel pressured to act the way the older teen partner wants. This could include pressure to have sex. And while the law says nothing about dating, it has a lot to say about sex and sexual activity. Neither of you can legally consent to any sexual activity until you are 17 years old. So, while a brief kiss on the face or lips wouldn’t trigger any legal issue, making out (and anything more intense than that) might cross the line and start raising red flags. So here’s the thing: right now you two hanging out may get you a few odd looks, but no big consequences. But if the relationship becomes sexual, the consequences could be huge. We hope you can use this information to have an open and honest conversation with your partner and your parents or other trusted adults in your life.

It sounds like you are concerned about losing your best friend if you act on the new feelings you have for him. You are right to be cautious and concerned. A relationship not based on honesty can never be super healthy. If you have lasting feelings for your best friend and you try to hide them, the deception could hurt the friendship.

But wait! Feelings are complicated and often confusing. It’s hard to know exactly what you’re feeling when you are learning who you are and what you want out of life. Feelings are not bad, but they also don’t have to be acted on right away.

Think about the huge number of words there are for romantic relationships. You can be crushing on someone, in love with them, hooking up, talking to them….You get the idea. Take it slow. There’s no rush. You’ll have to take some risks to let your best friend know how you feel, but make sure the feelings are going to last and it’s not just a passing impulse.

Figuring out just how you feel is key and talking about it privately is a great idea. You already took a good first step by asking an anonymous question! Is there a trusted adult or older sibling you can talk to? It might help to hear from someone you respect how their feelings changed when they were your age.

What a good question! There is no “best age” to masturbate, per se. Masturbation is a normal part of human development and a perfectly healthy activity at ANY age. In fact, studies show that babies often masturbate in the womb before they are even born! Just remember that masturbation should be done in private.

Condoms come in many different shapes, sizes, colors, materials, textures, and yes, even flavors! Flavored condoms are designed to be used during oral sex, that is, when someone stimulates their partner’s penis with their mouth. Flavor condoms should never be used for penetrative sex, like vaginal or anal sex. This is because the artificial sugars and flavorings used on flavored condoms can cause irritation or infections of the vagina or anus.

Pre-cum, also known as pre-ejaculate or pre-ejaculatory fluid, is a clear, sticky, mucus-like liquid that appears at the tip of the penis during sexual excitement or arousal. This fluid serves two main functions: Pre-ejaculate helps to provide lubrication during sexual intercourse and neutralizes acidity in the urethra (the tube from which urine and semen leave the penis), which helps the sperm in the semen survive. Pre-ejaculate is not the same thing as semen, but it can still contain some sperm cells, meaning there is a chance that it can cause a pregnancy. The best way to avoid this, and any STI transmission, is to wear a latex or latex free condom from the first moment of genital contact.

Good question! Before answering though, we want to make it clear that pornography is explicit sexual material created for adults 18 and older. We don’t recommend that teens watch porn, as much of it contains sexual violence, unhealthy relationships, unrealistic expectations of a partner, and unachievable physical body standards. Porn should never be your source of sex education.

Now, on to your question. While the people portrayed in pornographic videos may seem like they are being spontaneous, everything is actually agreed upon in advance, scripted, edited, and very well regulated. It is common practice in the porn industry that all performers are STD tested before filming and are required to be on a form of birth control. This how they can seemingly have unprotected sex all the time and never experience any consequences.   

While we do not recommend that people routinely share personal hygiene items like razors, there is very, very little risk of transmitting an STD this way. It is far more likely to get a fungal infection, like jock itch, or a staph infection from sharing a razor.  

We love your curiosity! Thankfully, human physiology makes it really difficult for a person with a penis to be able to urinate (aka pee) while they are erected and keeps it from being able to ejaculate and urinate at the same time. During sexual arousal, muscles at the base of the bladder contract in order to close off the passageway from the bladder into the urethra, the tube through which urine and semen leave the body. This makes it impossible for urine to be released during ejaculation.

Pink eye is an inflammation (redness) of the conjunctiva, the clear tissue that lines the inside surface of your eyelid and outer coating of your eye. You can get pink eye from viruses, bacteria, allergens, and other causes. Some STDs, like herpes, gonorrhea, and chlamydia, can cause pink eyes if the infected body fluid, like vaginal secretions or semen, comes in contact with the eye. This mode of transmission is less common than getting pink eye from viruses and bacteria that cause the common cold, flu, and strep. To avoid pink eye, wash your hands frequently, especially after using the bathroom and coming into contact with any body fluid that could transmit an STD or any other virus or bacteria. You should also avoid touching your face and eyes as much as possible.

We love your curiosity, it’s not weird at all! Believe it or not, thousands of biologists, animal behavioralists, and other scientists have dedicated their lives to studying the sexual behaviors of animals. Genital stimulation (aka masturbation) is very common throughout the animal kingdom. Different forms of self and partner genital stimulation have been observed in the animal kingdom. Masturbation is particularly common for both male and female mammals (including cats and dogs) Animals engage in masturbation in a wide variety of ways, including using their paws, feet, flippers, tails, and sometimes using objects like sticks, pebbles, and leaves.  

And yes, animals do ejaculate (aka cum) – this is how they can reproduce. The biological mechanics of conception in humans work just like that of other mammals. When a sperm cell (found in semen) meets and ovulated egg cell, pregnancy can occur.

Sounds like you are curious about oral sex. Oral sex is when a person stimulates their partner’s genitals (penis, vulva, or anal area) with their mouth. Receiving oral sex feels different for everyone. It may lead some people to ejaculate (aka finish) or it may not. Giving oral sex is the same way. In the end, everyone who engages in sex will need to figure out what works and feels best for them and their partner. If you plan on engaging in oral sex, we recommend using a latex condom or dental dam for the best STI protection.

Squirting refers to the ejaculation of a person with a vulva and vagina, sometimes called “female ejaculation.” The fluid that is “squirted” is not urine (as some people believe), but rather comes from the Skene’s glands, which are located near the opening of the urethra. Squirting happens in about 1 out of 10 women – this doesn’t mean that more can’t / don’t orgasm, it just means that they don’t ejaculate when they do.

Great question! While unintended pregnancy would not be a concern in the relationship described, STD transmission should be. A lot of times when we talk about condoms, we are talking about their use during penetrative vaginal sex (penis in vagina) or anal sex (penis in anus). However, condoms may have different applications in different relationships. In a relationship between two people with a vulva and vagina, traditional, external condoms may be used to cover shared sex toys to prevent the exchange of vaginal fluids. Condoms could be used as a dental dam, if modified. A dental dam is thin sheet of latex or polyurethane that is used between the mouth and vagina or anus during oral sex. Click here to learn more about dental dams and how to turn an external condom into one. 

There are many different ways different people can experience sexual pleasure. This could include vaginal, anal, or oral sex, masturbation, or even someone stimulating their penis on different body parts of their partner, like their breasts (aka boobs). This is sometimes called a “boob job”. There is no risk of giving or getting a STI by putting your penis between a partner’s breasts, as long as you are careful that no semen gets in a partner’s mouth, eyes, or any open cuts. 

STDs are cause by microscopic viruses, bacteria, or parasites, so no you can’t see them.

You also can’t tell if someone has an STD just6 by looking at them. STDs are often asymptomatic, meaning that they will not show any physical symptoms. However, there are some physical symptoms of STDs that we can see, such as rashes, warts, pimples, or bumps on the genital area or near the mouth. Also, someone could see if they had any kind of unusual discharge from the vagina or penis, which is another possible symptom. But since most often STDs do not show any symptoms, the only way to know would be to get tested.

It is completely normal for vaginas to have some sort of natural odor, and what is a normal odor for one person may be different for another. If you are a person with a vagina, you do NOT need to “douche” or clean the inside of the vagina with soap or other products. This can actually be harmful to the health of your vagina and increase the chances of getting some infections (which could make any smell much, much worse). The vagina is self-cleansing, so it will take care of cleaning itself. BUT, if you notice that your vagina smells differently than normal, you should get it checked out by your doctor.

This is going to feel different for different people, so you will have to figure out what it feels like for you and your body. For people who are not sexually experienced, especially teens and young adults, it can be difficult to know when you’re going to ejaculate! The “pull out method” (withdrawing the penis from a partner’s body before ejaculation occurs) is already not the most effective way to prevent pregnancy, and it does not offer ANY STD protection. But if someone does not know when to pull out/when they are going to ejaculate, and they are only using the pull out method to prevent pregnancy, it is going to be even less effective.